Friday, June 13, 2014


After my first date I decided to keep looking, as one does.

I haven't spoken to the dude since and most likely won't again, at least not intentionally. I do have him on facebook so if I ever run into him on the street I'd obviously say hello and even have a drink with him, but I don't see any effort from either party involved.

He wasn't really my type, and my grindr is dead now (seems very few guys here use it, and I've already spoken to them all and labeled them "boring/not-attractive") so I signed up for a "dating website" which is relatively popular in this corner of Europe with dudes looking for other dudes.

My profile was pretty basic, just 3 or 4 sentences stating preferences and my newness to the town, and 2 headless torso shots.

It attracted the very sort of dudes one would expect. One guy even sent me a picture of his arse along with his face, and he told me he was looking for a boyfriend.

Dude, has that approach ever worked?

Once I had gotten tired of sorting through that sort of stupidity, I decided to write an essay in my profile description area. Reading over it once I'd finished, it sounded super harsh and douchey, but I was hoping it would repel the riff-raff I wasn't interested in, and perhaps quality dudes would find it interesting or would be able to see beyond it…or something along those lines.

It sort of worked.

I got a message from one dude, but I ignored it because his profile was new and had virtually no information on it except age/height/weight/etc, and it only had one picture, which was actually unintelligible to my eyes -the profile might as well not have even had a picture.

I got a second message from the dude about 20minutes later saying how he really liked my profile and if I'm interested to reply. I replied because I thought I might as well of; I mean, who knows right?

So we started talking, getting along conversationally and decided to exchange phone numbers and continue talking via text. We agreed to meet the next night and take a walk through the city, go to a cafe and have a few drinks. So we did.

I met him not far from the main public square at about 10pm. The place was packed as usual so it was a bit of a struggle actually finding him, but we eventually found each other.

First impressions on physical appearance… meh. Nothing special. Not particularly ugly, nor particularly attractive.

If I had the option of this point of just vanishing into thin air to abort spending the night with someone I didn't deem physically attractive, I probably would of, but I don't, so I decided to open the date/meet up and began walking around with the dude in this city. I'll call him Nemo.

As Nemo and I walked around, we talked about many topics. It quickly became apparent to me that this was a dude I could talk to. We eventually found our way to a cafe and continued talking.

Time flew by, and the city was becoming less and less crowded until it was about 4am, and in the city-centre, it was virtually deserted. Nemo and I walked around, at this point basically mucking around and enjoying walking through empty streets.

We eventually made our way to an immense park which has a brilliant view over other parts of the city, and we chilled and talked there until all the street lights were turned off and the sun began to rise and the city began to wake up.

We walked back to the main public square, and parted our ways.

It surprised both of us that we managed to spend the whole night just chillin'. Time literally just slipped away. We stayed in contact for the next two days and decided to meet up again, and again…we managed to accidentally spend the whole night in the city, all the way up until around 6am -just talking, walking around enjoying the awesome scenery, and generally chillin' before we made our way to another cafe which was packed full of people watching the Brazil vs Croatia game in the World Cup. Later that night, we ended up in the same park sitting on a bench overlooking parts of the city. The view was incredible, especially at night time. It was really something.

As I said, Nemo is a dude who I can talk with, which is to say, he is intelligent and cultured, and I don't feel like I am wasting my time around him. This is a very important thing for me when it comes to other people; do I have the ability to connect with them or not? If I don't, the prospect are generally bleak.

With Nemo, clearly I do. We can talk about virtually anything, from the stupidest shit like how it looks funny when pigeons walk, bobbing their heads, to something as lofty a subject as individual/social identity, history, and so on…

Point is, we can talk.

So what is the dilemma?

Well, it's two fold. The first is that I am not physically attracted to him, and this is compounded by the general issues that I have when it comes to the dialectics of attraction.

I will talk about both in my next post because I feel this one is already long enough, and I should of been asleep by now -hanging out with Nemo fucked up my sleeping pattern.


  1. If the attraction isn't there, then it isn't there. I wouldnt stress it. Ift anything, sounds like you've got a new mate to potentially be a wingman.

  2. The city you live in sounds so awesome! Walking out your front door and being in the city, the giant park, the cafes--sounds like a really fun place.

    I agree with No, Not Looking. I don't think your situation is necessarily a dilemma. He'll make a good friend/wingman. No shame in not being physically attracted to him. All the best

  3. Cheers for the comments bros. I know you're both right.